Once again, I will try.
Once again, I will try.
You know that feeling when when suddenly you have a vivid flashback to certain moments in your childhood? All of a sudden you find yourself surrounded by ghosts of memories and of people you loved so much. You realize how far you are from them, in distance, in time, in mortality.
This poem is for my family, as I remember from hot summer nights fifteen years ago. I loved them once. I had them once. Now I cherish the memories.
Dedicated to Gregory Alan Isakov.
Thank you for those quiet nights that never felt lonely.
This is perhaps my favorite picture of Nick. This is the one that will be tattooed on me in some form or another one day. Yesterday was his birthday. He’d be 68. I’m having a lot of trouble believing that. It’s almost inconceivable.
Nick Drake, 68.
It sort of rhymes, doesn’t it?
Anyway, as is tradition, I wrote him a poem. As the vestiges of the day slowly disappeared, I rushed to write it. Who knows why. It’s not like I get a special fan award for remembering him 42 years since his demise. Still.I guess it’s the thought that counts (although it isn’t even good).
I also realized today that he was born right around the summer solstice. Music takes over the world every year two days after his birthday. I think that’s quite poetic.
… enough dilly-dallying, here’s the poem. It is based at the same spot where the photo was taken.
Warning for ableist language.
I can’t believe I abandoned NaPoWriMo so easily! Agreed, there was some emotional turmoil, but seriously? A month?!
Anyway, things are much better now. Oddly enough, they’ve been better for a while. About a month back, a close friend and I mutually decided to cut off all contact. While it was hard to acknowledge that someone I was supposed to know for the rest of my life would now be a stranger, I cannot bring myself to regret it. We stopped fitting into each other’s lives a long time ago. Right before the “divorce” (that’s what I’m calling it), I couldn’t even picture them in my life anymore.
They brought with them a darkness into my life that I am better off without (this isn’t to say that they were negative, rather, their presence had become toxic for me. And I imagine something similar must have happened on their side too). Of course, I am in no way innocent in this matter – in fact, I’m pretty sure that for them I am 100% the root of the problem. Anyway, there is nothing to be done either way.
The following poem is essentially a summary of what I’ve felt over the last month. It’s annoyingly ableist and I apologize for that. I like putting bookends to events and emotions whenever I can. Consider this a final sendoff to something that lasted 17 years and then disintegrated.
(Note: Oceans, a poem I posted previously was essentially the beginning of the end of our friendship. You may notice that one of the biggest things that motivated me to let things continue as they are was time. The 17 years that had already passed. I understand now that time past isn’t always a good enough motivation to continue things into the future.)
The next five poems will not be posted on the blog. The theme of these poems is very personal and they are based on certain events that occurred these last few days.
The url of the blog is also changing for the same reason.
I thought a lot about the optional prompts and I’ve decided not to follow the ones for days 5 and 6. Here instead is a poem that has been in the works for a while now. I call it orgasmic.
This is a very incomplete yet sorted list of words (currently standing at 150) that I have been collecting for some time now. They are stunning and feel so incredibly good as they pass from between your lips
I’ve broken them up in the style in which I like to read them out loud. Speaking of reading out loud, please do it. Feel the words in your mouths, savor them. And if you don’t like the sound of your own voice, ask someone else to read it out to you. The power, the sensuality, the intensity… there is nothing like it.
(I hope anyone read this enjoys words as much as I do. I’ll probably post more poems in the same vein soon. Words are some of the prettiest things to exist and no matter what language you speak, I’m sure there are words/phrases/gestures/characters/intonations etc to fall in love with. Language is one of the greatest human triumphs, isn’t it?)