Warning for ableist language.
I can’t believe I abandoned NaPoWriMo so easily! Agreed, there was some emotional turmoil, but seriously? A month?!
Anyway, things are much better now. Oddly enough, they’ve been better for a while. About a month back, a close friend and I mutually decided to cut off all contact. While it was hard to acknowledge that someone I was supposed to know for the rest of my life would now be a stranger, I cannot bring myself to regret it. We stopped fitting into each other’s lives a long time ago. Right before the “divorce” (that’s what I’m calling it), I couldn’t even picture them in my life anymore.
They brought with them a darkness into my life that I am better off without (this isn’t to say that they were negative, rather, their presence had become toxic for me. And I imagine something similar must have happened on their side too). Of course, I am in no way innocent in this matter – in fact, I’m pretty sure that for them I am 100% the root of the problem. Anyway, there is nothing to be done either way.
The following poem is essentially a summary of what I’ve felt over the last month. It’s annoyingly ableist and I apologize for that. I like putting bookends to events and emotions whenever I can. Consider this a final sendoff to something that lasted 17 years and then disintegrated.
(Note: Oceans, a poem I posted previously was essentially the beginning of the end of our friendship. You may notice that one of the biggest things that motivated me to let things continue as they are was time. The 17 years that had already passed. I understand now that time past isn’t always a good enough motivation to continue things into the future.)